I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize