Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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