remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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