Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize