I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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