the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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