Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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