I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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