I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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