if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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