I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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