I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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