I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize