I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize