I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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