She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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