I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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