Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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