I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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