your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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