woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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