watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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