Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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