These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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