Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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