I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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