FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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