I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize