Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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