The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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