I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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