I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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