I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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