Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize