but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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