i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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