one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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