There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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