i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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