I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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