I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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