How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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