If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm bleeding and have questions
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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