Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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