My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize