Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize