my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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