Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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