Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize