he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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